I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
