The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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