I can text with my tongue
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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