I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
