Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
