I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
