been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
