Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
bring money and cleavage
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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