i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
