If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
