It's Friday. Sex?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize