I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
