a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
