I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize