drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
