With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
