he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
