I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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