I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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