he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she smelled like a LAN party
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
