Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
