Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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