i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
