I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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