i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize