Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
