I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
