I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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