I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
