i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize