Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The air was thick with penises
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
