I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
