I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
