I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
