She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
