I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Damn victory sex feels great
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
