Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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