Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
