YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
