i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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