Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
