guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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