"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Its about making memories worth repressing
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize
