Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
