I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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