My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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