My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
