bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
