She bit a glass in half.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just high enough for therapy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
me + whiskey = a bad person
be right there i have to get my cape
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
