Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
