Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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