When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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