I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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