so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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