Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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