Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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