Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
