I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
