If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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