How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
its liver damage thursday
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
