sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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