Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
