oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize