I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize