you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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